Why you might be wrong
Hi! I’m Katie, and I’m a cultural and social psychologist—but you can think of me as your BFF with a PhD. I live in the desert of Texas alongside the cacti, roadrunners, and horned lizards. If you’re looking to understand your inner landscape and the whirlwind of the world around you, I hope you find something of value here. Make sure to subscribe—and you won’t miss a beat! Thank you so much for being here.
I know the title of today’s post may shock you.
But, it’s true.
You might be the one in the wrong.
You may have adopted the wrong belief.
It’s possible you’re the one with the wrong idea.
The incorrect attitude.
The imperfect assumption.
It’s hard to admit, but it happens to all of us.
I mean, we can’t be right all of the time!
So, let’s talk about the psychology behind why dare I say it—you might be wrong.
First of all, even entertaining the idea that we might be wrong is hard for us humans.
We hold something of a vast superiority complex.
The brain is very invested in being right and very quick to deny when it might be in the wrong.
It’s job is to protect you from discomfort after all.
And, being wrong is arguably an uncomfortable state to be in.
But, simple math and simple statistics would nudge us to reason that we can’t be right all of the time.
So, how do we know?
How do we know when we might be venturing into the gray area of incorrectness.
And, what do we do when we’ve discovered we are in fact—gasp!— the one in the wrong?
BELIEFS AREN’T ABOUT BEING RIGHT
The first step is to recognize that the beliefs you hold shouldn’t always be about being right.
One thing I've noticed about conversations around beliefs is that those conversations can be heavily focused on discussing reasoning.
We get tied up in our belief statements.
Debating theory and even theology.
Nailing down linguistic truths.
Proving the #facts.
Even performative culture where we seek to establish who knows the most and who knows the best.
Oh, lawd—the internet can be the worst about this!
Am I right?
But, beliefs are not about pursuing correctness.
Let me say that again.
Beliefs are not about pursuing correctness.
When you feel that superiority seeping in and you think you’ve arrived at what’s right, be cautious.
We can grow unwilling to change and stifle our own healthy human development when we’ve settled into the human error of belief superiority.
WINNING THE INTERNET ISN’T THE GOAL
Second, beliefs don’t exist so we can go out and win philosophical arguments on the Internet.
Belief-building requires a healthy dose of releasing certainty and being open to change.
It requires us to remain open to the possibility of being wrong.
Perhaps you’ve grown tired of the cultural trend in our society to chase certainty.
The TikToks proclaiming that they have discovered The One and Only Way™!
The YouTuber who proclaims they are the one person on the planet with the #truth.
And, they scream it from the rooftops with the most solid sense of confidence, don’t they?
Meanwhile, you’ve also watched the pendulum swing to the opposite end.
You’ve witnessed folks throwing up their hands as they say “it doesn’t matter what you believe! Just live your life and be happy”.
These folks pedeling the most enticing brand of nihilsm on the block, which leads me to my third point.
Be wary of anyone touting that you don’t need to worry about what you believe.
IT’S IMPORTANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU BELIEVE
The idea that you may never figure out what you believe is hazardous to your health.
The easy route is undoubtedly to say “it doesn’t matter what you believe”.
Sometimes, we use this narrative to make ourselves feel better about any existential regret or value confusion you may be feeling.
But, our beliefs do matter more than you may think.
Our beliefs determine our lives.
What you believe heavily influences how you go about your life and what you build it up to be.
If we spiritually bypass our beliefs by calling beliefs unimportant or petty or if we ignore the opportunity to define our values, we might wind up watching our lives pass us by.
Not taking the time to define our values and beliefs for ourselves exposes us to possibly the most dangerous route to wrongness we could encounter.
When we don’t take the time to determine what we believe for ourselves, we outsource our beliefs.
We outsource our thoughts.
We open ourselves up to letting others define it all for us.
Buying into this lie can leave us susceptible to stepping into whatever new belief system your favorite social media personality, news network, or friend is peddling.
So many of us have fallen into this trap of allowing other people to dictate for us what we should believe and how we should live our lives.
And, it typically ends ugly.
LEARN HOW TO BELIEVE
Fourth, step out of the very real temptation to let someone else tell you what to believe and learn how to believe for yourself.
A common shortcut in our society is to just find someone you look up to and let them tell you what to believe.
This is a fast-track to being wrong!
It’s important to define and name your beliefs and core values (read: what you want to drive your life) for yourself.
So many public figures, authors, podcasters and influencers are showing up these days telling us a whole lot of the what.
What we should believe.
What we should stand for.
What we should be.
And, more often than not, they claim to be passing along #facts, but they’re actually peddling falsehoods.
Further more, to be healthy humans, we need to feel in control of our lives and competent in knowing how to define our beliefs for ourselves.
Handing off our thoughts and beliefs to someone else leaves us feeling out of control (even if that lack of control is lying under the surface, dormant and subconscious).
You may feel that you are choiceful by selecting whose podcast to listen to or which news network to watch.
But, your ability to choose for yourself is handed over the minute you hand off your beliefs to be manufactured by someone else.
IT’S MORE IMPORTANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU DO BELIEVE V. WHAT YOU DON’T BELIEVE
The last fast-track to find ourselves in the wrong is by allowing ourselves to get caught up in defining, naming, and proclaiming what we don’t believe.
Have you spent all of your time naming what you don’t believe?
Naming what you’re against?
(Or worse…who you're against?)
Some of this can be part of the process of finding truth and dialing in our values, for sure.
I love this quote from Sue Monk Kidd:
“Sometimes you have to unname something before you can define it for yourself.”
But, are you stuck in the unnaming?
Have you built your identity around what you're against and who you don't want to be?
Taylor Swift says:
“I want to be defined by the things that I love, not the things I hate, not the things I'm afraid of or the things that haunt me in the middle of the night. You are what you love.“
There is a lot of truth in that.
When we begin examining our deeply-held beliefs and the facets of our lives that we’ve white-knuckled as “right”, we can get caught up in fixating on what we don’t believe or what we don’t stand for.
If we only define what we’re against, we may wind up fixating on it and losing sight of the bigger picture.
We may find ourselves believing falsehoods because we’re so deeply invested in being against a person, idealogy, or thing.
That can leave us feeling indecisive and confused in our day-to-day.
Lacking clarity.
And, ultimately lacking true confidence.
It’s important to name what we are for, because this belief clarity drives our lives.
HOLDING BELIEFS LOOSELY
Waking up to the possibility that we might be wrong isn’t easy.
But, it is necessary.
Holding your beliefs loosely is key to surviving a culture like ours in 2024—when everywhere you look, it feels like the wheels are falling off yet another foundation you held tightly as “true”.
Opening yourself to the reality that you might be wrong and learning how to deal with it when you are will help you build healthier beliefs and a healthier life.
Make sure you read the one where I talk about why you should know what you believe in 2024.
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Cover art by Alena Ganzhela used under license