Why regret is wrecking your life
A study in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin shows that 90% of people have deep regrets about their lives.
The study also found that regret isn't tied to age.
That means that regret isn't a phase we go through and then get over.
Rather, it is something we all fundamentally experience throughout the course of our lives.
This pervasive experience of regret is inherently linked to how we find meaning in our lives.
Something researchers call it existential regret.
An article published in the Journal of Humanistic Psychology defines existential regret as:
"profound desire to go back and change a past experience in which one has failed to chose consciously or has made a choice that did not follow one’s beliefs, values, or growth needs”.
It's all about making choices in our day-to-day that align with who we want to be in the world.
Think about it.
How many times have you kicked yourself later because you made a choice that wasn't in alignment with your identity, your core values, or your true, deep-down beliefs?
Maybe you made a choice because you felt pressured to.
Because everyone else was doing it.
Because you believed you didn't deserve something better.
Maybe over time you slowly began to shapeshift out of who you innately know yourself to be.
You adopted an identity that isn't truly you.
You slowly abandoned yourself.
Just so that you would belong, fit in, or to just be “normal like everyone else".
All of this leading to choices that leave you feeling terrible.
What are your regrets?
Those moments when you didn't follow your heart?