Why you desperately need a social psychologist in your life
especially if you are a woman
Hi! I’m Katie, and I’m a cultural and social psychologist—but you can think of me as your BFF with a PhD. I live in the desert of Texas alongside the cacti, roadrunners, and horned lizards. If you’re looking to understand your inner landscape and the whirlwind of the world around you, I hope you find something of value here. Make sure to subscribe—and you won’t miss a beat! Thank you so much for being here.
I was 35.
I melted into the cold floor, dish towel in hand, and looked around at my life.
I felt the startling realization that none of it was, in fact, mine.
I looked up at the open door of the kitchen cabinet.
I saw the color of the plates my husband and I had picked out and placed on our registry as we were preparing to marry.
Red.
I hate red.
But, I had gone along with it.
Because, well—it was what he wanted.
And, I had bigger things to worry about than plate color in the midst of planning a wedding 500 miles from my hometown.
Now, those plates mocked me everytime I opened the creaky cabinet door.
The church bulletin on the counter.
I had loved our church community at first.
But, it had honestly grown stale for me.
And to be frank, most days, it felt kind of troubling.
With their antiquated views on women and their white-knuckled grasp on rigid church structure.
But, I kept showing up.
I kept attending in quiet obedience.
Saying nothing.
All the while confused and trying to fit my square-pegged self into a round hole, so as to not rock the boat.
We were “plugged in” after all.
We had built a “community”.
What would happen to that community if I actually voiced my views and challenged the status quo?
There on the hardwood floor, I had woken up to the reality that everywhere I looked, I was letting the influence of others dictate my life.
Even as a social psychologist who “knows better”, it had been easy to do.
As a woman, we are socialized to care deeply about the needs, desires, and evaluations of others.
And, even more so as a woman who had been raised in the Western Christian church, I had found myself swept up in it all.
So, I took back the pen and paper of my life—and decided it was time for a rewrite.
This time, the author was going to be…
me.
WHAT IS SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY
Social psychology is an important, yet often overlooked, branch of psychology that focuses on understanding the social dynamics of our everyday lives.
Its primary aim is to explore how our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are influenced by the presence, whether real, imagined, or implied, of others.
This is crucial in understanding who we are and who we want to be in the world since so much of what we believe is socially constructed—often without us even realizing it.
Contrary to the notion that we are solitary beings forming ourselves in isolation, we are significantly influenced by those around us.
Gordon Allport, often regarded as the father of social psychology, defined the field as
“an attempt to understand and explain how the thoughts, feelings, and behavior of individuals are influenced by the actual, imagined, or implied presence of others.”1
This simple definition underscores the pervasive impact of social influences on our lives.
Research has shown that much of what we do, say, and think is influenced by others.
THE POWER OF SOCIAL INFLUENCE
Social influence holds such a powerful force in our lives.
And, it seems to be increasingly more and more important that we understand the power of social influence with each waking day in Westernized society.
While conspiracy theories spark a blaze on the Internet and everytime you pick up your phone there’s yet another text from a political party demanding your attention, actors everywhere are working to influence our thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors.
As you read this, you might think of moments throughout your life when others have influenced you.
A speech at a political rally.
Or that English teacher in 7th grade who told you your writing was bad.
It's also important to note that people don't need to be physically present to affect us, either.
The imagined reaction or response of others can be just as influential.
A deep sigh.
A cross look.
This phenomenon is known as social cognition, which involves the mental processes of perceiving, attending to, remembering, thinking about, and making sense of the people in our social world.
In fact, if you're following my lead and recalling instances where others have influenced you, that's social cognition at work.
You're engaging in an attempt to make sense of your interpersonal interactions.
You’re drawing conclusion about others’ perceptions, what the sigh meant or the look intended.
Let’s take it a step further.
SOCIAL COGNITION
Fritz Heider described this area of study as interpersonal relations.2
He noted that interpersonal relations involve how one person thinks and feels about another, how they perceive them, and how they react to their actions.
Sometimes, our social cognition can be more powerful than tangible reality.
For instance, you might fear the consequences of being honest about your thoughts, convictions, or identity, much like me in my church community—only to find that the actual outcomes are different from what you anticipated.
Perhaps when you do voice your thoughts and opinions, instead of being met with scowls and scorning, you’re met with a soft whisper of “me too”.
This illustrates the complex interplay between our thoughts and social influences.
WE ALL NEED TO BELONG
Social psychology is an often overlooked branch of the psychology field—but one that I argue is of the utmost importance.
It’s imperative that we understand how the influence of others—real or perceived—impacts us, because our interconnection with others is so crucial to our well-being.
Psychologists argue that we are driven by basic needs that make our connections with others essential.
One of these needs is the need for belongingness.
Two social psychologists, Baumeister and Leary, coined the idea of belonging theory.3
This theory suggests that humans have an innate need to feel connected and accepted by others.
Social psychologist Elliot Aronson famously identified humans as "social animals," highlighting our inherent need for social connections.
In addition to our need for connection, we also have strong self-esteem needs.
And, for better or worse, we do derive our self-esteem from comparisons with others.
Without these comparison anchors, our self-evaluations would be drastically different or might not even exist.
Thus, our efforts to feel competent and generative are intricately linked to our social environment.
Lastly, we have epistemic needs—a drive for meaning and understanding.
Our brains seek to make sense of the world and the people around us.
This need for knowledge is fundamental to our daily actions and interactions.
We constantly evaluate and categorize our environments to find rewards and avoid negative experiences.
Social cognition plays a crucial role in this process.
AWARENESS OFFERS GROWTH
Social psychology research can sometimes be hard to face.
The research findings can be a bit disheartening, at times—revealing the gravity of how we are influenced by social factors.
However, this awareness offers an opportunity for self-reflection and growth.
By understanding the influences that are shaping who we are and who we will become, we can take steps toward building healthier selves and more informed perspectives about the world around us.
Social psychology is a helpful tool that provides valuable insights into the social forces that shape our lives.
By exploring these dynamics, we can better understand ourselves and our interactions with others, ultimately leading to more meaningful connections and a deeper sense of belonging.
Thank you so much for being here and subscribing to psychologie. Whether you’re new to my work or a long-time supporter, I appreciate you so much! Your free or paid subscription supports me and my writing. Another way you can support me is by sharing this article. If you like what you’re reading, please consider sharing with others and encouraging them to subscribe, too. Thank you!
Allport, G. (1954). The nature of prejudice. Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley.
Heider, F. (1958). The psychology of interpersonal relations. New York: John Wiley & Sons.
Baumeister, R. and Leary, M. (1995). The Need to Belong: Desire for Interpersonal Attachments as a Fundamental Human Motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117, 497-529.
Cover art by Alena Ganzhela used under license